Weddings, past and present

If you ever ask someone from a bygone era, like a grandmother or an old relative, about the way in which they were married or generally how weddings took place in their days, you are bound to find a detailed, cosy picture filled with exciting rituals, kinfolk and loads of fun. Amidst the nostalgia their excitement still runs high and in your heart, you know that in the middle of the glamour and show that is the modern wedding, you are missing something priceless.

In the past, when weddings were simpler, the element of family-fun was vitally important. Today, with nuclear families being the norm, that aspect of weddings is part of history. Perhaps to make for that lost charm, modern marriage ceremonies beat their ancestors in terms of expenses and overall oomph.

Even a decade ago the news of a wedding was like an explosion in the neighbourhood. The bride's house or the 'bride central' would turn into the hub of hustle and bustle as family from all over started pouring in while the big day drew nearer. This called for clever home management because the biye bari was turned literally into a wedding camp.

In what can easily be termed as efficient division of labour, responsibilities for preparations for the nuptials would be distributed amongst the different age groups. The elders were in charge of the all the rites associated with the wedding but they also retained carte blanche over everything else. While the ladies were in charge of costumes, the youngsters would be busy with decorations using alpona on the floor, flowers from the garden and hand-made paper ornaments. Usually the more creative members of the household or even the neighbourhood would help out in this department.

For the children, this was a roller coaster ride, with new clothes, good food and plenty of monkey business. In return for the many errands, the youngsters expected access to an endless supply of sweets, pithas and other confectionary, fresh from the kitchen, which they did not always get. Never heard of an uncle who stole and then gulped down a mountain of sweets, all by himself? While the girls were busy dreaming of all the fancy dresses that they'd make and wear, the boys drew up plans for some ingenious mischief with their cousins.

The actual marriage ceremony would take place at home which meant no extravagant stage, no fountains and no speaker system. It did mean, however, home-grown entertainment. During holuds, the musically gifted kept the guests amused with parodies and the usual gate-dhora, shoe stealing, rong khela were part of the wedding itinerary.

Today it's all about rented community centres, exquisite dishes and lavish decor. It is surprising, therefore, to find bored children hiding behind their mothers as they listen without much attention to conversations about shoes, sales and jewellery. The role of cousins and the rest of the family have been reduced to simply turning up, hopefully, before the hosts themselves arrive.

Over time, even the simple holud ceremony that took place amidst friends and cousins usually in the evening have has turned into an ostentatious event. Starting from decorations to themes and to the scintillating performances that contemporary holuds demand, the trend is to make each one unique. While the wedding planner takes care of that, entertainment is provided by bands, fire dancers, DJs and also the mini-melas that some put up. Thanks to packaged deals and specialised services, entire weddings can be planned from a cell phone.(provided you have a humungous bank balance)

Of course times change and so do traditions and customs. Comparing the past to the present is a tough and sometimes unwise job. No one can acceptably say that one is better than the other without a pinch of prejudice. However, even today, weddings are supposed to be occasions that are enjoyable for everybody. But if we look past the kisses in the air, the pearls and the clothes, can it be truthfully said that the fun we have at these ceremonies are the kind that will be remembered and passed on to our great grandkids? If you still come home from weddings feeling disgruntled, annoyed or plain bored stiff you might want to sit with an elder and hear the tales of days long gone it might be the only way you can experience some genuine wedding fun.

By Shoaib Alam
Model: Chaity