“I'm going out!”
“When will you be back?”
“It's 6:30. You said you'd be home by 6:00.”
“Why do you spend so much time outside?”
“You can't go out on your own.”
“I'll take you there.”
“Who will you be with?”
“You can't walk there alone!”
Ring ring. “Yeah ,mom?” “Where are you?”
Granted, there are girls who don't have to go through this, and many guys face the same problem as well. But it happens way too much. It's not stereotyping - it's fact. And most of the time, it's our mothers that come at us with these lines. Going out, for girls, is a hassle, and not just because of the amount of time spent in front of a mirror immediately before. If a girl wants to head out with anyone not family, about a thousand excuses are necessary before, during and after. Mothers are prone to calling up their daughters to make sure they're safe, with the right people, and to find out where they are, for their own inner peace of mind, every other hour. And while we understand the maternal instinct and whatnot, it drives said daughters crazy. The thing is, there's a fine line between being overprotective and being controlling, and unfortunately many moms don't realise when they've crossed it. The simple business of hanging out with friends is cause for way more family drama than it's worth. And a mother-daughter fight is not pretty.
Daddy issues notwithstanding, fathers can be talked into just about anything. Moms, on the other hand, are smarter, mainly since they hoisted us around for nine months (something they never fail to remind us of), give or take, and that just made them more intuitive. Mother and daughter and two sets of women's intuition at work make for some extremely hurtful arguments, the end result of which is long bouts of silence.
But sometimes, we understand. Well, not really, but we do try. Because our mothers love us, and no matter how much we scream and shout and describe our displeasure, we love them too. We just wish they'd ease up a little, also because we love them. We don't want them to get high blood pressure.
By Neshmeen Fatimah
“Why can't you just try and understand that we only want what's best for you?!”
Yes, mom, we know. You really don't have to remind us that every time we have an argument and we really haven't forgotten how much you've struggled to bring us into this world. But why can't you understand that what we have are conflicts of ideas and not debates about how much you guys love us? We never accused you of wanting to bring any harm to your own child, we certainly are NOT older than you and we definitely don't have more experience than you. You've undoubtedly seen more of life and absolutely have better judgmental abilities than us. But that doesn't really grant us a mystical passage of enlightenment where we magically just understand everything, does it?
How are we to understand anything if all we hear and see are sniffles and tears? We aren't allowed to go a friend's house because you are our mother and you love us? But how does that have ANYTHING to do with ANYTHING? How are bad grades in any way related to how long you had to carry us in your womb?
We're not completely heartless, either. We don't LIKE it when you cry. We do feel pretty guilty even when we're clueless as to what's happening. Seeing your eyes overflow with hot tears brings tears to our eyes too. But when the things you say make no sense to us, we start to develop immunity to your guilt trips. In the end we roll our eyes and walk away.
We weren't born with built-in adult-obedience systems in our minds, mom. When you fill us with guilt every time we talk to you, we simply just grow distant and try to live our own lives. We love you mom, but our minds sometimes just needs some logic and reasoning for us to understand things. Emotions only go so far.
By Shamsil Kamal
What do you do that makes your mother angry with you?
Whatever the readers have in mind, when it comes to me and my mum, the list can go on to fill pages and still not end. But the main bone of contention between us cannot be anything but my hair. The (once) thick tuft of hair on my head has been a curse disguised as a blessing ever since I was a wee little kid. We might agree on what hairstyle looks best for which movie star, but poor me can never have a hairstyle that suits my mother's tastes. As a result, I still have to suffer through her common observation: “Even a tokai has a better hairstyle than you.”
Or even when it comes to dressing up, my getup most of the time gets on her nerves. A simple kameez for a wedding party? No, it has to be one that glitters and sparkles. Oh, that too without any extravagant make-up and accessories. Wearing jeans at a family gathering? All hell breaks loose. Tantrums result in nothing but long rants about how to behave myself properly. Needless to say, mum and my views of proper behaviour, as in the case of hairstyles, differ widely here too.
Generation gap? Or is it because of our completely different personalities even though we are bonded by blood? I decided to ask around a bit. A friend of mine remarks that her mother always keeps interfering with her hairstyle. And most mothers force most of the girls to stay really conservative, but daughters have problems regarding their fashion sense too, it seems.
And the mums, as usual, have the same things to say. The girls are too young, too rash and don't have any sensible taste or fashion sense. And anyway, they are too insolent to listen to their mothers and wilfully ignore the ol' traditional ways.
We would not mind our mothers cutting us some slack, but mummies out there, don't take what we say too much to heart. We do love the way you braid our hair for school or before sleeping. And we don't mind you helping us with our saris either.
It's just a mother-daughter thing.
You know you've got a problem when you go to your mother if you forget your hotmail password. And it's even worse if she recites it like it's her name. These mothers are downright frightening. They barge into your room and invade your privacy. You could quote our constitution as much as you want but they don't care. "Perhaps mothers don't respect our privacy all the time but considering the situation nowadays, you could see where they are coming from," justifies 16-year old Farishtey. But there is a fine line between careful and paranoid.
There are different levels to their 'fervour'. There are those mild lovable moms who like to check up on you from time to time and only glance through your diary when she finds it lying around. Then there are the moderate ones who barge into your room when you're studying hard (yeah right) at school, and clean your room. These types of mothers also like to occasionally break into your secret drawer and thoroughly go through its contents. But it's all cool because you know she only does it occasionally (I'm being extremely sarcastic). And then there are the VERY PROTECTIVE mothers. They do it all. From following you into the bathroom to pointing out grammatical errors in your diary.
One might find them cute in the beginning but as time goes on you will begin to miss the carefree days without the GPS tracker. This writer had an experience, just today, in fact when she was in the bathroom and her maternal guardian walked in to find out if the aforementioned writer was doing anything illegal.
The above is just an example of what mothers are capable of. The only time the poor children who have been blessed with such mothers have to themselves is at night. Even then their mothers somehow sneak into their room at 3am to "check up" (but we know the truth). The worst is when they clean your room without your consent. You return home to find the place eerily quiet. And then you enter your room to find the thing you have been dreading - cleanliness. The pile of useless junk in the corner is now in the trash. Your windows are open. It's letting air and sunlight in. You'd think the nuts and bolts on the windows would be hint enough.
At the end of the day you realise you love them and most of these antics can be seen as an annoying yet sweet form of affection (I said most of the times). Just change your password. And enjoy the pampering while it lasts.