Dark night for the Dark Knight
Nearly crying Batman entered the cell next to the Joker.fs. The Riddler barred the way to the toilet with an evil grin and asked Batman this .gWhat when inside us, which when outside us disgusts us.....h (And so on) .gNooooo, another maniac..h screamed Batman, his limits almost reached. .gNow, now, concentrate batty boy, that was a wrong answer. I'll give you another chance.h .gOhhh.h moaned Batman .gs**t.h. .gExactamundo, as expected from you. You may enter,.h said the Riddler. Bruce entered the room of heavenly pleasure.c
By Jawad Mahmud
A Couple of weeks back, a colleague here wrote about boys' first fist fights. This got Miss Reporter pondering about certain experiences of her own. Now for a girl, you don't actually call those “fist fights”; the stuff is more widely known as “cat fights”. Of course you must be familiar with them. They are everywhere in movies from Mean Girls to Bride Wars. Usually it is seen that these fights ignite from the stupidest of reasons.
“You got the same shoe as I did!” exclaims Girl 1.
Catfights are not always as light-hearted as they sound like. They can get ugly, gruesome in fact. There was a true incident in a certain really popular school in Dhaka where two girls almost bashed their faces off. Even the poor teacher who tried to pacify them was not spared and if reports are to be believed he got a fair share of scratches too. So the cause of the fight later turned out to be a guy. Okay we've heard about guys fighting over girls but the other way round? A total disgrace for womankind surely!
The story goes further back in time when Miss Reporter's eyes were corrupted after witnessing her classmates fighting back when she was in Grade 4. The reason was not much; just that one had read the other's secret diary. A few simple questions could be asked, why bring the diary to school in the first place and why snoop around and read it anyway? Guess this “sneakiness” is an in-built trait inside all of us!
Miss Reporter never had such a pretty experience of ending up in cat fights (un)thankfully! It was more like getting beaten by brothers older and younger than her. Of course it was more terrible. She would charge ever so enthusiastically on them and well, come back with bruises and occasionally a torn ligament and a broken arm. No wonder they say girl fights are a lot cooler! And so you see the endless saga of getting beaten continued and is still doing so in fact. In the end there's no point in having catfights but since we all like pointless stuff, we should indulge into some ever so often. What say?
By Faria Sanjana
Tried and tested
As I switched on the television the other day, I came across this scenario- a warm sunny day with a cool wind blowing. Butterflies are hovering over flowers and birds are chirping. In the near distance, I see two people walking hand in hand, and as they get closer, I see that they are merrily skipping away, singing "Britol biskoot khaite khaite jay belaah!" Wait, WHAT? Yes, you heard that right that was a television ad for a local biscuit!
Advertisements have taken a totally different turn in recent years and they become funnier and more entertaining! There's a particular advertisement, which sell products through TV. One of the products promises to increase a person's height by almost 6 inches by only wearing different soles in shoes! Now as I did not need that extra height, so just to test it, I took the help of my not-so-tall cousin. After much begging and bribing, I got her to wear soles. After two weeks of wearing the painful soles, I measured her. The results? *Drumrolls* 1 centimeter! Or was it because of her ponytail?
Conclusion:If it REALLY worked, the charecter "Mini Me" from the movie Austin Powers would have been a whole lot taller!
Another promises to make you lose weight just by lying down and shaking your legs. Well, I tried that one myself. It was fun at first, but then I just got bored and fell asleep.
Verdict: It just made me a whole two pounds heavier.
Another cream promises to get rid of acne and scarring within a week! Now my friend had a pimple the size of Mount Vesuvius a week before an important meeting, so I went ahead and put the cream on her pimple. Within minutes, the pimple erupted like a volcano and she was left with a huge pit where her pimple resided.
The verdict: The person who posed for the before and after shoot had acnes painted so fakely on her face that even real acnes would be afraid to pop out!
And then there are numerous fairness ads which promises to make you four shades fairer in four weeks, (makeup included!) Another advertisement guarantees a full head of hair within two weeks. Well, the "after" picture of the man shows him having the most horrendously blonde coloured head of hair ever to exist on the face of the earth!
Hmm… was a mutation of genes responsible for garish hair colour also guaranteed?
The last product I tried was one where, after applying a particular brand of oil in your hair, your hair would have a mind of its own. No really. Its suppose to become something close to what Medusa had on her head, and whenever a girl would pass by a guy, her hair would mysteriously wrap itself around his shirt button and... Ahem... rip it off. So after a week of making my sister (who has hair as long as Rapunzel's) put the on her head, we tried the test. She walked past her husband and... NOTHING! Maybe it was suppose to work on a totally random guy who she had not seen in her entire life!
Verdict: Even though some products won't make you fair or make your hair like Medusa's, for a dose of daily laughter, television advertisements sure ranks at the top!
By Sumaiya Tabassum Ahmed
Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology
NEW: Different colors from previous version.
ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.
UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.
ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn't understand it.
NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.
DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on a shoe-string budget.
UPGRADED: Did not work the first time.
UPGRADED AND IMPROVED: Did not work the second time.
The Dumpty Dictionary, Version 2.0
New scientific theories
HONORABLE MENTION: The quantity of consonants in the English
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