The week in re(ar)view
What's the new catch phrase?
Chief Add-visor-over-da-eyes Iajuddins logic states that the army does not belong to any party so they will be fair and let things be free. That's all fine but where is the freedom when the said fair enforcers cannot usually be held accountable for things they shouldn't be doing? We should not hold our breath as they will patrol till the elections which is a long time away in January 23, 2007.
Wonder what new terms they will coin to explain their activities? Suggestions anyone?
It is claimed that the last updated voter list had more than one crore fake voters and this monumental task is to be completed in 8 days. There's a saying that Rome was not built in one day (or even 8 days) and that was despite the fact that Romans had countless expendable slaves.
Apparently 1.4 lakh 'enumerators' are on the job correcting the corrections. Except that we have not heard of anyone who has heard of anyone who knows someone whose house was visited by an enumerator. We saw one on the newspaper though.
Thought of the day: Is an enumerator something like THE terminator (Arnie Whatshisname)? He'll be back? That's quite likely as revisions will require more revisions.
The security guards belonged to a private security company called Security Management Services (SMS). Question is, do you hire another security firm to watch over
By Gokhra and Mood Dude
One Sick PC
What would it be like if your favourite Harry Potter characters were computer viruses? How would they behave? Read to find out!
Hermione Trojan: Reads all the files and creates a small index. keeps asking other programs to do the same
Hagrid Virus: Turns icons into creatures and lets them roam around the wallpaper
Voldemort Virus: Tries to split all files into seven pieces and save them on seven different drives.
Dumbledore virus: Does nothing, assures the Harry virus that things will be done. Prints out "There are worse things than a HDD crash", then uninstalls abruptly
HP fan virus: Writes huge viruses that broadcast how the Dumbledore virus is still running
Harry virus: Produces error messages stating that the Voldemort virus has deleted his root directory.
Sirius Black ad-ware: Causes pop-ups to appear, supporting the Harry virus messages, but then rolls off to the other side of the firewall
Dobby: Warns user of impending scan, and then tries to delete itself.
Lupin trojan: Installs werewolf games and themes every full moon night
By Hammad Ali
"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
A woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, "Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better."
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
Compiled by Subehee
The top 10 reasons why the television is better than the World Wide Web
10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.
Location: On top of empty footbridge during road blockade, street agitation, protests, etc.
What to take: snacks (in case the blockade continues and you can't come down), caps, sunglasses, friends, and miscellaneous throwing items
Activities: There's no better place than this to witness live street-fighting action below. As the political activists and the police clash, you guys can open up a few packets of Lays and enjoy all the great action from atop. If things get too boring, you can always 'liven up' a cop or two using the miscellaneous throwing items (to be used at thrower's own risk), but be careful not to be spotted. To add to the fun, start betting on the people engaged in fighting, do some target practice (seen Dawn of the Dead?), or simply enjoy the feeling of 'being on top'. If you have a camera phone, you can also try out your skills for freelance journalism.
Pros: You are safely out of range from the frequently used weaponry (including brick-bats, water-cannons and tear-shells) unless of course some over zealous, Hollywood movie watching cop decides to fire some shots up in the air to scare away the crowd.
Cons: Loaded crows, fragile overbridge (they do fall down sometimes), and also the risk of getting spotted. If that happens, at least be a man and say it was your own idea!
By Tausif Salim
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