Qurbani Eid just around the corner, buying the cow/ goat/
camel will soon become a must for almost everyone. Markets
of cows will spring up in all parts of the city. For the next
few days, there will be more cows than cars in the city. Although
in recent years, the camel has been rather popular among some
buyers, and the high price of cows sometimes makes goats a
feasible choice, the moo-bile milk factories (or their male
counterparts rather) still reign supreme in the Qurbani market.
People still prefer to be able to get a cow that they can
sacrifice for the sake of pleasing God, and then proceed to
gobble it up right down to the last piece of bone. Keeping
that in mind, we will try and take a look at how people of
different professions go about buying their cow.
first, they set up an appointment with the salesman. During
this meeting, they ask for some "crucial" background
information about the cow's past medical history, to be attested
by a specific vet. Failure to provide the documents or getting
them attested by some other vet results in not buying the
cow from the insolent salesman.
they sue the entire cow market, stating how the fact that
they sell black cows is tantamount to contempt of court, since
all lawyers have to wear coats of that same color. Just when
the newspapers are getting all worked up about the impending
trial, the lawyers settle out of court, for one cow to each
lawyer involved in the lawsuit.
they pay a junior teacher to buy the cow, make a student do
all the work and then sit down to enjoy the meal.
politicians in the Government claim that their party, and
their party alone, was responsible for bringing cows in this
country, and as such, no one has more rights to cows than
they do. However, most have enough dough to get camels, and
even when they do buy cows, the said animal is too pampered
to look anything like a cow. Then again, not that these politicians
look much like the regular people of this country, either.
of the opposition protest against the unjust system, and refrain
from buying cows to express their outrage. Secretly, they
get the same variety that the Government politicians do.
they speak extensively on the socio-economic effect of celebrating
Eid every year, and how this makes the cows of the country
feel undue pressure, and how the real spirit of Eid is in
celebrating it with cows, instead of at the expense of the
cows. Deep down, they know they will not be able to bear the
sight of the cows being slaughtered.
they make several charts, depicting the average number of
cows sold over the last five years, the average price of the
cows, and stats about what type of cows are more popular in
which parts of the country. After extensive scrutiny, they
decide whether or not to buy the cow, which district to buy
it from, and what would be the ideal price to pay for it.
Programmers they write a software that connects to the internet,
does not find any information about the cow markets, and hence
returns garbage data. Somebody needs to tell these geeks that
www.cow.buy.bd is not a valid website address.
first they compare the demand of cows to the price at which
they are being sold. If the figures do not match, they organize
seminars on how the system is being compromised by certain
businessmen. In the end, it solves nothing, except that people
who could not buy cows get something to do over the holidays,
attending these seminars.
now, to pack it up, how some of our RS staff would buy cows:
she runs a poll on which color and build of cows are most
popular, and from which market. Of course, if the reader response
is slim, that means no cow this year.
finds and downloads a trial version of a cow, uses it for
a few days. Goes for the real thing only if he is satisfied
by the trial version.
gets his dog Bhola to pick a cow…and we all know how Bhola
Sniper too lazy to go and buy a cow, spends his time writing
silly stuff about how people buy cows.