* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
* It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
* A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
* Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
* Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building, it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realise what is occurring, relax and correct itself.
* A rat can last longer without water than a camel. More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.
* Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.
One day, a girl walks to her mother and looks at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why are some of your hairs white mom?”
The mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.
The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said, "Momma, how come *all* of grandma's hairs are white?”
An English professor wrote the words: "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
A translation of what women say and what they really mean ...
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later
"Sure go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
“Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive